NIGHTTIME ROUTINE FOR MY ONE YEAR OLD

Wow! I still can’t believe my baby, Nora, is now a one-year-old. It’s been a quick year for us first-time parents. Our poor babies are in the midst of surviving a pandemic, revolution, on top of learning to walk and chew... Ha! One good thing about staying home with the baby is being able to implement routines. Many of us operate a lot better on routines and babies are no different. Routines allow your baby to develop a sense of predictability. This also allows an infant or toddler to feel as if they have a bit of control. I’m proud to say my baby girl has had a nighttime routine ever since I brought her home from the hospital. Yes, of course, it’s been tweaked numerous times to accommodate her growth, but nevertheless, she’s glad to be in her crib, in her room at 8:30 every night. Would you like to know more about baby Nora’s Nighttime routine? If yes, then keep on reading.

DINNER:

Now that we have a one-year-old she pretty much eats what we eat. So, by seven in the evening I like to have dinner ready or purchased. I’m grateful to have a great eater for a daughter. She fits right in with me and her father. The worse thing about dinner with a one-year-old is the cleanup. My daughter is a little independent biracial woman determined to feed herself at the price of my rug, the floor, and whatever outfit she may have on including her birthday suit.

BATH:

So, of course, after dinner, it’s bath time! Either me or her father will tackle bath time while the other straightens up her high chair and gets her bottle ready. After she bathes and rinses off, I usually let her play in the water, and then she’s gobbled up by a big towel and swept away to her room where she is moisturized and clothed on her changing table. 

BOOK:

From here we look at the clock and read the baby’s energy. If she’s not being a little fussy pants (normal for sleepy babies) and we have time, one of us will usually read her a bedtime book/story from her library. Does she stay still and listen? Listens and observes but her still days are over. Anyone else in the same boat?

BOTTLE:

So, last but definitely not least, we have made it to the crib. This part is my favorite part because it’s like a dance. Everyone knows their places and their part. Lay baby in bed. Check. Baby lays there looking up at you tired but content. Tucks baby into blanket. She reaches up and her hands are met with her “ba-ba”. She then holds the bottle with one hand and flings the opposite arm open for her stuffed animal to be placed in her arm to snuggle. She makes eye contact as we wish her sweet dreams and tell her we’ll see her in the morning. We turn around, turn the light off, if it’s not already, and close the door behind us. 99% of the time she goes to bed peacefully just like that. 

The major key was developed in the very beginning. Starting early and sticking to it makes all the difference. It may be hard in the beginning. They might cry or fuss but once it becomes their norm you are in the game. Dinner, bath, book, bottle, and bed by 8:30. Let me know what your baby’s nighttime routine looks like. I realized while making this post that we need to step up our teeth brushing and praying. Let me know if you want to see a list of good night time books as well.

3 WAYS TO AVOID DATING A DEADBEAT

One of my greatest accomplishments as a happy black woman will always be choosing an incredible husband/father for my child. Of course that is or should be most of our goals but it is not always the case for a plethora of reasons. As a young girl being raised by a single woman I witnessed first hand a lot of trials and tribulations which opened my eyes to things I did not want for my life. A man that had no clue if his child ate or not that night was no longer considered a man in my eyes and I decided before I was ten that I’d only date “real men” Ha!

As for only dating real men I definitely fell short a few times. I’m not ashamed to say I kissed a few frogs before I found my prince. That’s life. I will say having unprotected sex with these frogs and getting pregnant by them should be avoided at all cost. Zero shade for those that got caught up, “players fuck up too” (name that movie in the comments) This is to warn our perhaps younger, less experienced, and slightly gullible sisters that number one there is hope of finding the prince not only you deserve but that deserves you. Just wait Sis. If he can’t wait on you then guess what, his patience is juvenile which leaves us to assume that he’s juvenile and undeserving.

I’m not here to judge, just to help and inspire. Even if I help just one girl to prioritize herself over a fake prince, I’ll be happy.

Here are 3 Ways to Help #TeamNoKids Avoid Creating / Dating a Deadbeat. I added a bonus tip at the end as well.

1. Ask Questions

   Ask the questions you want the answers to? I never understood how I could ask my friend if the guy she’s talking to has kids or if he’s dating just you and she say “I don’t know.” Wow. Couldn’t be me sis. I asks the questions. All of the questions. Kids? Ages? Last time you seen them. Relationship status? Dig deeper. Relationship status with the mother of kids. Girl ask your questions and if he gives you a hard time about it give him a hard time about receiving your buns. Seriously do not let these men quiet your voice. The ones that try aren’t worth it.

2. List Your Dealbreakers

   As you know deadbeat dads are definitely a dealbreaker for me. Make yourself a list of dealbreakers. I recommend adding deadbeat dad to the list and letting your list be known. So, whether he’s already a deadbeat or shows characteristics of a deadbeat you know to cut him off and we can only hope that their lack of “play” inspires them to be more present in their child’s life.

3. Reality > Potential

   Do not only listen to their potential but plant your feet in the reality of who they are in the moment. While I was out there dating I found it easy to meet a man and view his potential almost immediately. It surely is a gift and a curse that we women have. I say a gift because it really does allow us to see potential growth and possibilities. Be careful though. There are also a lot of women with the the curse of being unable to take the Rose-colored glasses off and see what is really in front of them. It’s fine to dream about what-ifs but if his actions aren’t aligned with what you want for your life then that is a red flag. My recommendation has always been to watch what they do not what they say.

   Bonus Tip

4. Karma

   What goes around comes back around. So, if you are enabling a deadbeat and/or their behavior do not be surprised when the tables turn and you’re on the receiving end.

   Hope you enjoyed this week’s post. Right on time for Fathers’ Day. I’d like to give my husband the biggest shout out. Mr. P, I really don’t know what Nora and I would do without you. We love the reality of you as well as your never ending potential.

WHAT MAKES A GREAT FATHER A GREAT FATHER?

Happy Father’s Day! Last night a question popped into my head as I remembered the great father figures in my life. What makes a great father a great father? Coming from a girl that bounced from household to household I’ve seen my fair share of good, not so good and nonexistent fathers. I decided to gather the top five traits of a great dad in order to help and inspire our men to create stronger family units in our community.

Spend Time:

Many men think that their only purpose or role in the household is to have money and provide. This causes a lot of stress in many families because if a man is unable to provide, perhaps in between jobs, they feel like a failure. As a result, many men flee the household assuming that if they are failing then they might as well not stick around when nothing could be further from the truth. Men, your job is not just to have and spend money. It’s to share in the responsibilities of raising a child. So, when you lack in one area I beg of you to pick up in other areas. I had to tell my own dad, as an adult woman, that I wish he would have at least spent his time when he was unable to spend his money. Spend that time with your children and trust me when I say those memories will one day be worth more than any dollar amount.

Get Money:

I know I said spending time will one day be worth more than money but we all know just how important finances really are. As much as we wish we could raise our children on love, we need money in order to survive and thrive. So, don’t ignore that feeling inside of you when your baby is born that tells you to step up your game. 

Teach:

What is something your father taught you that you will never forget? Teaching your children about life and life skills will stay with them forever. It could be something as small as brushing your teeth. But, imagine that child thinking of that moment every time they brush their teeth. That’s everyday! Learning and teaching have a huge impact on a child or any human being really.

Respect the Mother

You laid with her. She changed her life for an entire nine months to create that blessing. Respect should be a bare minimum for the woman that performed the miracle of life for you. I never understood down talking your child’s other parent because they too are a direct reflection of you. Respect goes a long long way. 

Dedication:

Raising a child is not easy. Nor is it always fun. Raising a child will have you thinking “WTF?”  at least twice a day. The stand out feature in all great dads is their dedication. Saying to themselves “no matter what I will always be there for my children” that’s the major key. 

Spend time, get money, teach, respect, and dedication are all of the top traits of a great father. What do you think? If I left out anything help us out and add to the list in the comments. Okay, I’m off to celebrate Father’s Day with one of the best dads around, my husband! Shout out to Mr. Pickens. Nora and I love you so much! Happy Father’s Day to all the father figures, especially to the great active everyday fathers. The real unsung heroes!