One of my greatest accomplishments as a happy black woman will always be choosing an incredible husband/father for my child. Of course that is or should be most of our goals but it is not always the case for a plethora of reasons. As a young girl being raised by a single woman I witnessed first hand a lot of trials and tribulations which opened my eyes to things I did not want for my life. A man that had no clue if his child ate or not that night was no longer considered a man in my eyes and I decided before I was ten that I’d only date “real men” Ha!
As for only dating real men I definitely fell short a few times. I’m not ashamed to say I kissed a few frogs before I found my prince. That’s life. I will say having unprotected sex with these frogs and getting pregnant by them should be avoided at all cost. Zero shade for those that got caught up, “players fuck up too” (name that movie in the comments) This is to warn our perhaps younger, less experienced, and slightly gullible sisters that number one there is hope of finding the prince not only you deserve but that deserves you. Just wait Sis. If he can’t wait on you then guess what, his patience is juvenile which leaves us to assume that he’s juvenile and undeserving.
I’m not here to judge, just to help and inspire. Even if I help just one girl to prioritize herself over a fake prince, I’ll be happy.
Here are 3 Ways to Help #TeamNoKids Avoid Creating / Dating a Deadbeat. I added a bonus tip at the end as well.
Ask Questions
Ask the questions you want the answers to? I never understood how I could ask my friend if the guy she’s talking to has kids or if he’s dating just you and she say “I don’t know.” Wow. Couldn’t be me sis. I asks the questions. All of the questions. Kids? Ages? Last time you seen them. Relationship status? Dig deeper. Relationship status with the mother of kids. Girl ask your questions and if he gives you a hard time about it give him a hard time about receiving your buns. Seriously do not let these men quiet your voice. The ones that try aren’t worth it.
List Your Dealbreakers
As you know deadbeat dads are definitely a dealbreaker for me. Make yourself a list of dealbreakers. I recommend adding deadbeat dad to the list and letting your list be known. So, whether he’s already a deadbeat or shows characteristics of a deadbeat you know to cut him off and we can only hope that their lack of “play” inspires them to be more present in their child’s life.
Reality > Potential
Do not only listen to their potential but plant your feet in the reality of who they are in the moment. While I was out there dating I found it easy to meet a man and view his potential almost immediately. It surely is a gift and a curse that we women have. I say a gift because it really does allow us to see potential growth and possibilities. Be careful though. There are also a lot of women with the the curse of being unable to take the Rose-colored glasses off and see what is really in front of them. It’s fine to dream about what-ifs but if his actions aren’t aligned with what you want for your life then that is a red flag. My recommendation has always been to watch what they do not what they say.
Bonus Tip
Karma
What goes around comes back around. So, if you are enabling a deadbeat and/or their behavior do not be surprised when the tables turn and you’re on the receiving end.
Hope you enjoyed this week’s post. Right on time for Fathers’ Day. I’d like to give my husband the biggest shout out. Mr. P, I really don’t know what Nora and I would do without you. We love the reality of you as well as your never ending potential.
